How to Talk About Debt With Your Fiancé Before Your Wedding Day

Getting engaged is such a special time – you’re starting to plan your life together, thinking about venues, setting a date, and imagining what your future as a couple will look like. But in all the wedding planning, there’s one topic a lot of people avoid: debt.

I get it, talking about debt isn’t fun. It’s awkward, it can feel personal, and sometimes it feels easier to just put it off. I’ve had to bring it up myself to my partner, and I was nervous. But being honest about money before the wedding can save you from bigger problems down the road. When you’re joining your life with someone else, it’s important to bring your financial lives together too.

Why Talking About Debt Before Marriage Matters

Debt doesn’t magically disappear after you get married. Whether it’s credit card balances, student loans, medical bills, or even personal loans – your partner’s debt can affect your life as a couple. Once we were talking about getting serious, the topic of money had to come up.

If one of you has a lot of debt, it can impact your ability to qualify for a mortgage, save for future goals, or even plan your wedding. And if neither of you talks about it, you could be setting yourself up for stress, arguments, or worse – broken trust. It’s not just about the numbers, it’s about knowing you can be honest with each other, and face challenges as a team.

When and How to Start the Conversation

Timing is everything – this isn’t a talk to have when one of you is frustrated or running late for something. Make sure to pick a time when you’re both calm, maybe over coffee on a quiet morning or during a relaxed evening at home. You don’t need spreadsheets or financial statements right away. Just start with a simple, honest approach.

It helps to think through what you want to say ahead of time. I’ve found that writing down a few notes can help keep the conversation focused and makes it easier to bring up everything you need to. You might start with saying something simple like, “I think it’s important we talk about money and any debt we have before we get married. I want us to go into this with full honesty and a solid plan.”

It doesn’t have to be a one-time conversation either. It might be one talk that turns into several. That’s totally normal. The goal is to build a habit of talking about money with respect and honesty.

What to Share and How to Keep It Comfortable

Once you start this conversation, it’s important to be honest about how much you owe and what kind of debt it is. Is it a student loan that’s going to take ten years to pay off? Is it credit card debt with high interest rates? Be honest about what your monthly payments look like and whether you have a plan to pay off your debt. 

Talking about this stuff can feel really personal, especially if you’re carrying some guilt or embarrassment. I remember feeling pretty anxious about how my fiancé would take it. But sharing ended up bringing us closer. It showed that I was serious about building a future together and that I was willing to be transparent.

And don’t stop there – ask your partner to do the same. Let them know there’s no judgment. You’re not trying to control each other; you’re trying to understand each other. Maybe they’ve made mistakes or maybe they’re already on a great repayment plan. Either way, you’ll be in a better place by knowing the facts.

Making a Plan That Works for Both of You

Once you both know where you stand, you’ll want to figure out what you want to do next. Some couples may decide to combine their finances completely. Others prefer to keep separate accounts, but work together on shared expenses. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. It really comes down to what feels fair and doable for the two of you. 

For us, we started by setting some shared goals. We wrote down all our debts, totaled everything up, and decided which ones to focus on first. We also talked about things we wanted to save for, like an emergency fund and future travel. 

If your debt feels unmanageable, you may be considering an option like bankruptcy, a debt consolidation loan, or even a debt settlement program. No matter what you choose, make sure to do your research before signing the dotted line. For example, ‘Done With Debt’ is a company my partner and I were considering using, but Done With Debt’s reviews painted things in a different light for us. 

To keep everything organized, we just used a basic spreadsheet. Nothing fancy, but it helped us stay on the same page. It wasn’t fancy, just a basic monthly budget. We reviewed it together once a month. Those check-ins helped us stay on the same page and adjust things when life got busy or unexpected bills came up.

Talking About the Wedding Budget

Weddings aren’t cheap, and I used to think we had to go big to make the day feel special. But once we really looked at our debt, it hit us that having a large wedding could just add more financial pressure we didn’t need. So we asked ourselves what really mattered. Did we want to spend twenty thousand dollars on a venue and catering? Or did we want to kick off our marriage without the extra stress and with a bit more breathing room financially? 

In the end, we chose to keep things low-key. We invited close family and friends, got help where it made sense, skipped the stuff that didn’t matter to us, and focused on making the day feel personal and meaningful. The money we didn’t spend went toward paying down debt and starting to build some savings for what came next. Also keep in mind, there are creative ways to pay for a wedding that you may not be aware of!

Having that honest talk helped us both feel more in control and more united. It didn’t feel like one person was sacrificing everything. We were both making choices together.

Keep the Money Talks Going After the Wedding

Just because you had one good conversation before the wedding doesn’t mean you’re done. Money is something that comes up again and again. Bills, savings, emergencies, life goals – it’s all connected.

I learned that regular check-ins helped us stay connected and avoid misunderstandings. So we started setting aside time once a month to look at our finances. This gave us room to talk about what was working, what needed to change, and how we felt about where we were. Sometimes we made adjustments, sometimes we celebrated progress. Either way, we made sure to stay in the loop together!

It’s also okay if your plans shift. You might decide to combine accounts later or separate them for a while. You might pay off a debt faster than expected or face a financial setback, that’s life! The key is to keep talking and working together to build a better financial future.

Final Thoughts

Money can be a hard subject, but love is about facing the hard stuff together. But every time I opened up honestly, I felt more connected and confident.

If you and your fiancé can have an honest conversation about debt before the wedding, you’ll be giving your marriage a solid foundation built on trust and teamwork. You don’t need to have everything figured out – you just need to be open, willing to talk, and ready to tackle it together.

Start the conversation early! Ask questions, be honest about where you’re at. Make a plan that works for both of you. And remember: facing debt together is always easier than facing it alone.