She Said Yes Now What????
Well my dear that was the easy part. (Maybe not to you but just wait) Not only have you made her the happiest girl in the world but also, you have thrown the first pitch of one of the most important games in your life. So who’s on first???? Well let’s start with this, she’s the coach so listen carefully! We can give you some hints and tips to get you through the rest.
Beginning with the Draft
“To succeed you have to work as a team. Each player must cover his or her own position.” You have two teams now hers and yours. (Eventually the plan is to be on the same winning team.) Whether you look at that as her family and your family or your groomsmen and her bridesmaids. They all need to become your supporters and cheering squad. You can not choose your family but you can choose your starting lineup now that could be a combination of family and friends, whoever it is make sure they work well under pressure.
In order to work as a team they need to meet. So start with the parents if they have not met. Then give serious thought to the rest of the team. Since you threw the first pitch you need a good catcher. Since the pitcher and the catcher are the two players who participate in every play, this person needs to be responsible and willing to be there for every play of the game. Your best man will be your catcher. Consult your bride and decide on the number of attendants that you would like to have before asking them. This could help you avoid errors.
Announcing your engagement should be your next step, whether this is to your parents first and then formally to friends and entire family. This is a chance to get the team together for the first press conference. The engagement party is normally given by both sets of parents. Be prepared for a lot of questions. When, where, what color etc.
“Good Strategy can make a difference between winning and losing” Once the two of you have chosen a date, first and foremost you have to try and set a budget. This is often best accomplished by working with ALL the members of the family (this budget planning and working with the families has been known to separate the men from the boys. The starters from the bench.)
A few rules of the game on budgeting
50% for the Reception 10% for Wedding Attire 6% for extras
10% for Music 10% for Photography
10% for Flowers 4% for Stationary
Your fans and supporters–Guest list
It is always a good idea to start on the guest list as early as possible. Both sets of parents and you and your bride will want to be involved. Once you have a handle on your budget you must decide on a location for the wedding and reception, this may help you determine your number of guests invited or vise versa your guest list may determine your venue. Most likely your budget will determine the final guest number. Just do the math. If 50% of your budget is $5000.00 then you divide that by the number of guests you want to invite and that is what you can afford to pay per person for your reception. This will include rental of the location, catering, beverages, music, and cake. So if you have a guest list of 100 then you can afford $50 per person. Remember this number needs to include your taxes and service fees. Keep in mind about 20% of the guests invited may not be able to attend. Does this mean you can invite 20% more than you can afford? No, just keep in mind when you make out that guest list that some may not be able to attend so book your location or catering for lower than you are planning for to begin with and make sure that you can increase before the date of your wedding without penalty. That way you can avoid paying more than you have to. Send out RSVP cards in order to have an accurate account of attending guests. RSVP due date should be before your catering number is due, usually 30 days prior is best.
Now that you have done the math, even if you can afford to have 500 guests do you really want 500 guests? Would you ever have enough time to talk with them all or even know that they were there? Keep in mind the guests you invite to your wedding should be those you want to share this special moment with. Some say that the comfort level for most receptions should be around 100 to 200 guest. With couples marrying at the average age of 24 – 26 and purchasing their first homes at the same time it makes sense to be realistic on the cost of the wedding itself, no one wants to start their married lives in debt. Or have their parents take out a second mortgage to pay for the party.
So what’s your game plan or your responsibilities as the groom? Help with the guest list and all major decisions, date, budget, venue and honeymoon. To insure yourself a grand slam ask what your bride would like help with in the very beginning. If she gives you specific duties make sure you do them in a timely manner. Most often the groom is given these responsibilities:
• Being a liaison between parents
• Getting his side of the guest list finalized in a timely manner
• Purchasing Engagement ring and bride’s wedding band
• Picking out the tuxedos and making sure all grooms men are fitted
• Arranging the Rehearsal dinner with his parents
• Arranging the wedding day transportation (check with the tuxedo company you use they may have a special offer on transportation)
• Booking the Honeymoon
Not limited to that list, you may be asked to arrange or pick out music. Make reservations for out of town guests. Whatever responsibilities you chose, be honest with your bride, how involved do you want to be or do you have time to be? The answer to this question could make your life much easier. Keep in mind that un-sportsmanlike conduct can get you benched or thrown out of the game. Try to be understanding and patient, your bride has probably been planning this day since she was very little. Let’s be honest it is more about her than it is about you.
How you handle this planning process will determine how you plan the rest of your life. It is good training, how do you handle stress together? Can you both stick to a budget? Sometimes you just have to take one for the team and sacrifice bunt to get that winning run. In other words can you compromise?
So you have made it through training, you’ve played by the rules; you’ve worked as a team. Are you nervous? Aren’t all good ball players? Stay confident, play your best and have fun. That is the most important thing Have Fun; it’s all been worth it.
Guest Article submitted by Julie Rivett from The Carriage House
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