There is a common trope in TV shows which depict couples getting ready to marry. One of the two will be obsessing about every little detail, from the venue to the centerpieces to who will make the cut for the guest list. The other, usually male, will squeak out the occasional “That sounds great, honey”, all the while barely looking away from what will usually be a sporting event on the TV. One of these people really cares, the other is at best indulgent.
It stands to reason that in any group of two people there will be one who is enthusiastic about something, and one who doesn’t quite match that level of enthusiasm. And while the trope above is an extreme depiction of the concept, the chances are that in most couples getting ready to marry, there is a discrepancy in terms of anticipation where weddings are concerned. The question we have to ask is: should you be worried if your fiancé (or fiancée) is less excited about or involved in the planning of your big day?
It’s not about how passive they are, but how they are passive
As we’ve noted above, some people in a relationship just won’t have the same level of anticipation for a wedding that their partner brings. That’s actually fine! For one thing, imagine the counterfactual where both are equally hyped for the wedding, but have different ideas about how it should go. Differing excitement levels lessen the possibility of a clash. However, if a partner doesn’t support their future spouse’s enthusiasm – actively switching off when the topic is raised – it doesn’t say great things. At a minimum, your intended should at least be able to hold your gaze and say “That sounds great, and if you want it, I want you to have it.”.
They don’t need to share the excitement, but they should share the workload
Planning a wedding is tiring. For all the double entendres about the wedding night and honeymoon, an awful lot of couples return to their room at the end of their big day and… sleep. There is so much to plan, so many calls to make and errands to run. It is frankly a little bit worrying if one partner checks out so much that they leave all of the planning and errands to their partner. If you’re planning the outfits, making a list of wedding gifts, and calling venues, your partner should be doing something to smooth the path. Play to their strengths by all means – maybe they’ll collate the wedding day itinerary or liaise with the honeymoon venue (or, hey, both?) – but they should be contributing, if only to stop you getting exhausted.
Do at least one thing together
A wedding – and more importantly, a marriage – is by definition a joint event. You don’t need to agree on much outside of your love for one another, but if you’re going to collaborate on the day then some part of the planning should be done as a couple. Maybe you’ll go to see venues together, or you’ll taste options for the wedding menu. Whatever it is, there should be at least one part of the preparation where you team up and crush the planning as a duo. Throughout the coming years, you’ll take on a lot of occasions as a team; it’s good to get a dry run in early on.
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