If you’re currently in a long term relationship, and you see a life with your partner, it’s natural that the conversation about marriage is going to crop up at one point. You’ve got a lot to talk about and a lot to think about together, and that can’t be done without being open and honest with each other.
But getting this conversation started can be difficult. Nerves can get the better of you, and you can wonder all night long about the way your partner might react! And that’s why we’ve put together a few tips below – use them to help get the talking started between the two of you. Marriage deserves to be a happy and fulfilling time, and you just need to say a few words to get the ball rolling.
Ask Some Subtle Questions
This is a good way to test the waters, so to speak, before you take a deep dive into the conversation. After all, marriage is an involved topic, and some people need time and space to wrap their head around the idea. And even if you know your partner inside and out, just bringing it up out of nowhere can shock them into silence.
So ask some subtle questions, and even drop some hints here and there. Ask them about their favorite kind of engagement ring, or what kind of big day they’d like to have. Go shopping together and point out some wedding jewelry you think looks nice, and even just comment on how nice a combination of flowers would be at a wedding reception. If your partner can see the talk coming, they’ll be far more receptive to it!
Set Some Time Aside
Talking about marriage is going to take time, so never just blurt it out when you’re both in the middle of something else. It’s not a topic for breakfast when you’ve both just woken up! Similarly, if the question is on your mind but your partner is late or needed to be somewhere 5 minutes ago, don’t think this is your only chance to get the idea out into the air. Reel it back in and wait until they’re home again.
Try to find a relaxing and casual time to have a conversation like this. If you’re just on the sofa watching Netflix, or you’re in the car on a mundane drive down to a restaurant, you can ask them what they think of taking your relationship to the next level. Give them time to collect their thoughts if they don’t answer you immediately; be gentle, be patient, and work with their boundaries.
Always Look for Common Ground
Common ground is the one thing you need to identify immediately when you talk about getting married. Where do the two of you agree? Of course, the main question that needs answering is whether or not they want to get married, but there are many factors that follow.
For example, how much do they want to spend on the wedding? Do they want a big affair or a small ‘do’? Go through the wedding day systematically and find where you both agree. And if you can’t agree, what compromise can you come to? Talk about it in depth and be as open about your wants and expectations – you won’t be able to have a satisfying engagement without knowing what each other needs!
Don’t Limit the Conversation to Marriage
Finally, marriage isn’t the only thing you need to talk about here. What other life plans do the two of you have in mind? Are you on the same page about where your relationship is going? Do you want to start a family, but your partner isn’t sure, or is it the other way around? What agreements can you come to about what the future looks like?
Questions like these matter, and you need to know about them now! And above all else, a potentially hurtful question needs talking about here too: will you be happy to miss out on a few things just because your partner doesn’t want them? It all needs talking about, and simply mentioning the wedding day can really open you up to each other in these areas.
If you want to get married in the near future, you’re going to need to talk about it. Get your partner on board, make sure you’re on the same page in the most important areas, and always take your time coming up with a life plan.
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